I don’t really understand social media.  In fact, except for some posts of my son and animals, I barely use Instagram.  I don’t like FB at all, and only get on about 3 times a year. I have blogged since 2008, and honestly the action is like self-of-therapist for me.  I work things out in these public diaries.

My son got up at 5:15 today and was crashing around a bit.  I don’t resent him for it, because he’s 10 and Santa left him goodies, but he was able to go back to sleep from 6:30 – 8:30 and I was just up.  So I hand wrote a journal entry and then started thinking about my past blog that had over 200 followers.  I think that was mainly because there were a lot of vulnerably painful posts in it.  People can relate pain.

I got on one of my previous follower’s pages and I was confused for a little while because the posts were from a female perspective.  I knew this person was a man.  A very smart man, but at times, given to extremely intense and dark posts about misery.  I liked some of it, and the rest was stuff that I couldn’t really read.  It’s analogous to my reading a few headlines or listening to NPR, and then having to stop.  There is pain in the world.

Anyway, as I read on, I realized that his wife was writing in his blog.  That is because he took his own life in October of 2015.  Where did over a year go?  I didn’t know him.  He was extremely intelligent and had a clever, albeit often sardonic, sense of humor.  I appreciated his writing often, and was thrilled when he would comment on my blog.

It’s another reminder that you can’t take anything for granted.  His writing won’t be there for me to read again.  Not in the future anyway.

His wife didn’t even know that he had a blog.  That is scary.  How can you be married to someone who doesn’t know a side of yourself in which you pour your soul? His entries were well-researched and always included pictures or videos related to his theme.

Are there lessons after a suicide?  One thing that we refer to when we train is that some people who die by suicide don’t see life connections.  Having seen that his blog is now completely abandoned after 3-months of writing, I wonder about his connections. His comments meant something to me.  I’m glad that I have them to re-read.  That will be our brief connection.